So I wrote most of this blog while I was sitting in the Houston airport on the way home from Roatan. I didn’t share it probably because it’s pretty vulnerable but then I realized my experience may help someone. If nothing else being open and honest helps promote changes in my heart.

Here is what I wrote on 3/8…

So I’m sitting in the airport writing this blog…I have spent the last week away from my family and my normal life serving others. This opportunity has been amazing and it has also allowed time for me to think about my day-to-day life. One thing I will say is when you go serve others that have so little you realize it’s completely possible to be happy with less. So often in life our happiness is based on how much we have. Selena has been a single mom for 12 years. She has worked her butt off to provide for her 11 kids and she was happy, laughing and ready to work hard. She has so little but you would never know based on how she carries herself.

Why do we as American’s have such high, unrealistic expectation for what our life should be? In the past few months I’ve had a hard time being at home with the kids (which is a luxury for most). I have felt stuck…so much sickness, not a lot of extra cash to go do fun things but I have lost sight of all the we have. We have a roof over our heads, we have food, more than enough clothes and so much more. After being gone for a week I’ve realized there are things I need to change. I’ve been tired, and haven’t been serving my family like I should. I need to learn to step back…enjoy the little things and be grateful for all that we have. My goal as a mom and wife is to try to care less about the details (which is VERY hard for me), laugh more and just enjoy the little moments. Sometimes you need to step outside of your normal bubble of life to realize all that you have and to reset your goals & expectations.

An unexpected thing I noticed  was that social interaction with adults is very important to me. I’ve been stuck in my bubble of kids, diapers and cleaning and I haven’t made hanging out with friends a priority. Often I make excuses not to make an effort but I need to make it more of priority. Having spent a week with adults, laughing, serving & interacting with each other I’ve seen my whole attitude lighten up…this is something that I want to stick.

This trip was so amazing but what I didn’t expect was all the reflecting
I want to laugh more.
Serve people more.
Chill out more.
And let go of the little things.
We. Are. Blessed & I can’t lose site of that!

Now back to my current thoughts…

As I’ve been home I have wondered why God puts a desire in your heart when you don’t know what to do with it?? I have always wanted to live overseas and be a missionary…maybe short term (like 6 months-1year) or maybe long-term but when you have a husband and family it has to be something you are both called to. How will God use me…use this desire? I don’t know but he knows my heart and he knows I’m open.
Sorry if this post was all over the place…at times it can be really hard to process what God does in our hearts. How he changes us. Often it’s something that get sort of unfold over time.

The trip was wonderful. I know I will go back. I just don’t know when.